Parenting School Age Children

A babysitter is a trusted friend of the family. Even though she likely receives pay for her time spent with the children, she is nevertheless much more than a hired hand. Do you know how to make her feel special? Gifts! Read on for must-know tips.

Why Give Gifts to the Babysitter?

Considering that babysitters take the places of moms and dads while they are away from the kids, it is not surprising that plenty of children and their folks feel close to their chosen sitters. When it comes to rewarding babysitters, consider going above and beyond merely the agreed upon pay. Gifts underscore the importance of the sitter to the family in general, but they also offer opportunities for small gestures of consideration, caring and interest in particular.

Tips for Inexpensive but Thoughtful Gifts for the Babysitter

• Teenage babysitters appreciate the occasional gift card to a fast food restaurant of their choice — or the much healthier local juice shop. An iTunes download gift card is another good choice for the young music fan.
• Younger teens, who might be making their first forays into the world of makeup and nail polish, like the sample-sized nail polish kits from heavy hitters in the makeup world, such as OPI.
• The college student who makes extra money with babysitting might need a few odds and ends for the dorm room or the apartment shared with roommates. Find out what’s missing and buy either gift certificates to the stores carrying these items – the New Linens ‘N Things is a great choice – or go out and buy them yourself. Include a gift receipt … just in case.
• Babysitters of any age are likely to sport a sweet tooth. Find out what makes your sitter’s taste buds rejoice and buy occasional treats for her. If all else fails, you can never go wrong with See’s Candy.

Remember that it is not the money you spend but the thought that counts and speaks volumes. Reward your babysitter, underscore her importance to your family and foster a relationship that should be beneficial not only to your children but also to the sitter.

Healthy competition is a great character-builder in school-aged children. Lessons include gracious winning, graceful losing, teamwork, fairness, working hard and sometimes even studying hard. Opportunities for competition abound; during the school year there are spelling bees, sporting events and sometimes also talent contests. Extracurricular activities make it possible to enjoy competitive team sports and even local or national competitions, as is the case with gymnastics or swimming.

Of course, while a competitive attitude might already naturally be in the blood of a child, doing it the right way takes training. A look at the sidelines of any peewee soccer game quickly proves that competing can bring out the worst in people – usually the adults. So how does a parent go about teaching a child to compete? The answer is a four-fold approach.

Winning does not justify the means. It is not okay to intentionally foul or injure another player to gain an advantage. Fair play trumps any on- and off-the-court conniving.
Cheating is unacceptable. Nudging a ball into an easier position, taking a shot after the play has been called, enhancing play equipment or – in middle school or high school – doping should all be discussed during the elementary school years. As the children grow older, the peer pressure to succeed and win also increases, and a child who understands early on what is – and what is not – acceptable is more likely to make good choices when mom is not watching from the side lines.
Easing off the pressure. This is a step to take by the parents. Far too often, moms and dads apply more pressure than children should (or can) handle in a competitive setting. Private lessons, endless backyard drills and a practice calendar that is filled to brimming with activities are the hallmarks of the parent who just needs to take a step back.
Reward fair play, not wins. The winner gets the trophy, ribbon or plaque, but parents will be wise to reward the player who displayed fairness, self control and team work. It does not matter if it is a spelling bee, talent competition or swim meet, the parent must make every effort – even if junior comes in last – to find and reward incidents of these qualities. While the trophies garner dust and ribbons get lost, the lessons learned from the praise for good choices will last a lifetime.

Do you know the story of Lazarus? It is a Bible story (John 11:1-45 to be exact) that is a favorite in Sunday school circles. Lazarus’ plot recalls the story of the Messiah, who traveled for a couple of days to raise his dead friend back to life. Kids love the story for its famous ending; parents can get an awful lot of parenting advice out of it – even if they are not religious.

For example, did you realize that Jesus Christ didn’t immediately drop anything and everything to come to his dead friend’s aid? Instead, he didn’t get to Bethany until Lazarus had been entombed for a total of four days (and most likely smelling a bit ripe at that point).

Moreover, way ahead of time he told his friends that Lazarus had indeed died. When Christ finally did arrive, he first tended to the deceased man’s sisters and then went on his way to the tomb. Cynics in the crowd wondered why Jesus hadn’t arrived sooner. In the end, Jesus miraculously raised the dead man and ordered to let him go.

What does this have to do with parenting?

Consider this:

• A significant sickness was not enough to hinder Christ’s action. The same holds true in parenting; there is no behavior so egregious that a parent’s love does not set out to conquer all.
• Jesus did not give up or hurry along once he knew Lazarus had died. Helicopter parents take note: he allowed the consequences of death to torment the sisters as well as the community. At times, children must ‘marinade’ in the results of their actions before parental rescue occurs. Mary and Martha would never be the same; the same holds true for children who live through the consequences of their actions. Please note: Jesus was in control of the situation at all times; parents can only take a cue from this story (in this regard) if they can be in control of the situation at all times.
• Jesus went to Bethany, a town where not too much earlier the Jews attempted to stone him to death. He willingly put himself in physical danger to help his friend. Parents must willingly go where angels fear to tread; is the child withdrawn or hangs out at the mall each day? The parent must meet the youngster on his turf. Do not try to ‘summon’ the child for a heart to heart talk or parental action. Instead, go to where the child is – physically, mentally or spiritually.
• The Messiah was very clear in telling his friends that Lazarus was dead. Parents are sometimes told – very plainly – that their children are out of control and need help. School aged children in particular fall under a lot of scrutiny and parents are still a lot more involved than they will be in the teen years. Jesus’ friends listened; parents should heed the warnings of their friends as well.
• The cynics in the crowd criticized Jesus for his slowness of action. Parents must be aware that (fellow-) helicopter parents will most likely point accusing fingers in their direction. Should they be acting sooner? It depends on each individual situation but parenting should not be determined by peer pressure.

Isn’t it amazing how the story of Lazarus can actually be translated into a bona fide ‘how to’ on parenting?

Children thrive in a stable home environment. Notwithstanding the foregoing, parents oftentimes find themselves in more of a long-distance relationship than with an actual in-home presence of one spouse. This is due, in part, to the globalization of the workforce that requires extensive travel and also stints at far-away locales.

Another reason for long-distance relationships is enlistment in the armed forces. This makes spouses oftentimes wonder about the best ways of surviving a long-distance relationship that protects the integrity of the family unit.

Wait, a community made up of participants in long-distance relationships, outlines that approximately 2.9 percent of marriages are considered to be long-distance relationships. One in 10 marriages features prolonged periods during which they would have fallen under the heading of being long-distance. For the year 2005, this translated into 3,500,000 Americans involved in a long-distance marriage relationship.

Saying good-bye time and again is not only hard on the spouses but also the children. Surviving a long-distance relationship is especially tough on youngsters, who do not feel the empowerment to maintain the child-parent relationship. While the spouses may engage in emailing one another frequently, chatting online or calling whenever the urge hits, the child bears the separation alone.

That being said, there are some steps insightful parents may take to help children survive a long-distance relationship and still maintain some closeness with the missing parent:
• As soon as it is age appropriate, the child should receive a basic cell phone with text message capabilities. This presents an opportunity to share thoughts and feelings as they occur, even if they do not receive an immediate response from the absent parent.
• If age-appropriate, a child should receive a (heavily privacy-protected) Facebook page that s/he can use to interact with the missing parent. Both can post pictures, thoughts, little messages and also capitalize on the instant message feature. This is a great before-bedtime activity.
• The absent parent and the child may participate in (age appropriate) online MMORPGs together. Gaming online together is a great way of building closeness while also having fun.

Of course, the best scenario possible if for the child to not have the need for learning how to survive a long-distance relationship with a parent in the first place. Whenever possible, parents must strive to keep the family unit in place and perhaps forgo promotions or job offers that require extensive travel.

Summer camp is the compromise between a family vacation, an educational outing and a full-time babysitter. Is your child ready for summer camp this year? Are you?

Summer … Finally!
When the bell rings for the final summer day, children leave schools in droves. Some look forward to family vacations while others exchange phone numbers for weekday play dates.

Parents view summer with mixed emotions: it’s great to have the kids home, but the work schedule does not stop during summer vacation. Summer school programs have been cut in many states and babysitters and daycare programs are costly. What’s a parent to do?

Summer Camps … By the Numbers
The American Camping Association (1) suggests that there are in excess of 12,000 camps in the U.S. This includes day camps and also multi-day resident camps. Camps run by religious organizations have a decidedly spiritual theme, while secular camps stress outdoor fun and in some cases also feature survival training.

Pros and Cons of Sending a Child to Summer Camp
The quality of the camp and staff greatly impact the overall experience of a child. There are a few pros and cons of sending a child to summer camp that are outside the realm of staffing.

Pros:

1. Children’s understanding of community living is enhanced by lessons in fairness, turn-taking, chore sharing and also caring for campers who might be on the younger end of the age spectrum.
2. Kids learn to function as part of a team that is different from a family unit. Rule enforcement relies on respect for authority that is not parental. This heightens a sense of personal responsibility as opposed to walking in step because the parents “said so.”
3. Children (who may naturally be shy) now have the opportunity to shine thrust upon them. Skilled camp counselors apportion positions of responsibility and leadership; they work diligently to include wall flowers. A child, who – at home or at school – is pegged to be shy and unlikely to participate, starts with a clean slate and may gain the confidence needed to come out of her shell.

Cons:

1. Co-ed summer camps are great for children of preteen age or younger, but for older kids there is a good chance that budding hormones and the realization that the opposite sex is no longer ‘yuck’ mars the experience. Girls who thus far enjoyed participating in water splashing wars are now afraid of messing up their hair; boys who enjoyed making necklaces suddenly are too cool for crafts.
2. The presence of the opposite gender has the potential to hamper summer enjoyment.
   Wilderness camps in areas known for their fire danger leave parents worrying during wildfire season. Campfires are curtailed, which ruins the fun of a lot of young campers.
3. Multi-week camps are rough on younger kids and also families, who may not be ready to be apart from their children for extended periods of time.

(1) American Camping Association. “Trend Fact Sheet” (accessed March 19, 2010)

Spring brings longer daylight hours and warmer temperatures. Children, who were cooped up during winter weather, cannot wait to get outside and get moving. That being said, boredom sets in quickly and it is in such times that the three best spring games and toys for kids come in quite handy!

Facing the Challenge

Parents of elementary school-aged children know that games are a beloved pastime. Unfortunately, unless junior is quite resourceful or mom and dad are old hands at having some outdoor games ready for the youngsters, thinking up new spring entertainment for kids can be quite a challenge.

Water, Water, Everywhere…

The favorite games for kids usually involve water. Water plus warm spring weather is the kind of equation that makes sense. Buy a slip-and-slide, wading pool or rotating sprinkler head and you have the makings of hours of fun. Parents who don’t mind getting wet should look into buying some soaker guns that ensure fast, active and wet game-play.

Caveat: Even a shallow wading pool requires consistent parent supervision when in use. Do not put older children in charge of toddlers and babies; remember: at the end of the day, they are still kids themselves who need some spring fun.

Game Sets

Invest in a basketball hoop and croquet set. Especially if there is not much of a backyard to speak of, the driveway can become an instant basketball court. Croquet works best on a mowed lawn or at least some even soil. Even though croquet may seem like it has been around for a long time, it is one of the evergreen children’s games that will continue to be popular for generations to come.

Outdoor Art Supplies

Artwork – especially finger-painting – is perfect for the outdoors. Get long rolls of butcher paper, cans of finger-paint and keep the hose on stand-by. Before long the kids will take off their shoes and footprints as well as handprints may adorn a driveway, walkway and – perhaps – some of the butcher paper.

Don’t Forget…

The most important aspect of school-aged children’s games in spring is parent participation. Don’t be too busy to have some fun. Remember: games for kids are not just for the youngsters!

Keeping in step with my firm belief that there are no parenting experts, I do agree and acknowledge that there are definitely those who “have been through it”, “have seen it all”, and have kept the faith in the process.

In this spirit I will share with you some interpretations, suggestions and offer ‘from the trenches’ observations that might be helpful to others. I long to stand corrected and if you notice errors or have ideas on how to parent better, more effectively or just have more fun in the process, please don’t be shy and leave a comment or two.

Sincerely yours,
Sylvia Cochran

Picking out a unique baby name is one of the first decisions over which many a parent agonizes for extended periods of time. What is sometimes lost in the shuffle of excitement over unique baby names is the fact that said babies will grow up to become school-aged children.

Looking even further down the road, any unique baby name that may have a parent proudly pat her/himself on the back is also a name that in about 18 years will show up on someone’s resume. This presents an interesting dilemma: are unique baby names going to present problems for school-aged children and young adults in the long run?

Cases in Point

Perhaps the honor of providing the poster child of a unique baby name is reserved for the fictional Mr. and Mrs. Clapp, who in the 1600s named their child ‘Through Much Tribulation We Enter The Kingdom Of Heaven Clapp.’ Young Master Clapp promptly shortened his name to Tribby Clapp. (1)

In the real world, unique baby names have little girls facing life with the name Ariel (no, not the mermaid, but instead the translation of “lion of God”) while boys proclaim themselves to be Reuben (translated as “behold, a son”). Historically-minded moms and dads may introduce little Thibault (which is French for “bold”) or adorable Emeline (French for “rival”).

Unique Baby Names and the School-aged Children Who Bear Them

When it comes to more modern names, there oftentimes is an overabundance of odd spellings – frequently the insertion of a silent ‘h’ or ‘d’ – apostrophes, and little used consonants jostling for space in one short name. The New York Times (2) weighed in on this issue and outlines that school-aged children with weird names would get worse grades and had a harder time in social interactions during elementary school.

The Times also suggested that these kids with their unique baby names would grow up to be unemployed adults. Perhaps the most telling suggestion is that kids – once teachers and prospective employers can associate a face with them – have the same odds as other children devoid of unique baby names.

Of course, in a day and age when data does not come with faces attached and hiring managers sift through stacks of resumes to even narrow down the number of potential interviewees, this may be a tepid consolation.

Unique Baby Names: Yea or Nay?

In the midst of the election I did an offbeat news story about a “Baby Named Sarah McCain Palin.” Then there was the issue of “Adolf Hitler Campbell;” in both cases the youngsters were saddled with names that identify their parents’ strong beliefs and political leanings but which open the doors to uncounted years of hardship and struggle.

So what say you: are unique baby names a go or should a parent forego her/his penchant for the unique baby name in favor of the school-aged child’s ability to fit in with peers?

1. American Masonic record, and Albany Saturday magazine, Volume 1 (accessed February 7, 2010)
2. New York Times. “Boy Named Sue, and a Theory of Names” (accessed February 7, 2010)